The individualist view conceptualises self-esteem as a personal achievement based on self-reliance. According to this perspective, individuals gain self-esteem when they work hard, set goals, and achieve independently. This view tends to emphasise competition and comparison with others since individuals are expected to gain status by outdoing their peers and achieving greater levels of success. While there is certainly some truth to this perspective, it can lead to a narrow and limited view of an individual’s value that overlooks the critical role of social relationships in shaping our sense of self.

In contrast, an alternative view of self-esteem highlights the importance of strong family and community bonds in supporting achievement and promoting positive self-esteem. According to this perspective, individuals who feel connected to others and supported by their communities are more likely to succeed and, in turn, feel good about themselves. This view emphasises the importance of social relationships and collaboration rather than competition and individual achievement. Self-esteem is not seen as a result of striving to outdo others and be self-reliant but rather a consequence of mutual support and recognising that group and individual success are intertwined.

Stay connected: Social support and positive relationships are critical predictors of how you perceive yourself. When you feel supported and connected to others, you are more likely to have a sense of personal significance and value. Conversely, individuals who lack social support and feel isolated are more likely to struggle with negative self-perceptions.
Find your tribe: Strong family and community bonds are critical to our psychological well-being. Humans are social creatures, and we thrive in groups that provide a sense of belonging. When you feel disconnected from others, you are more likely to experience negative psychological outcomes, including anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. By contrast, feeling part of a community provides a sense of purpose and meaning.Take responsibility: Adopting responsibility for your actions and being accountable to others are critical to your social and moral development. A commitment to contributing to the greater good gives your life significance beyond merely satisfying personal ambitions. Individuals who primarily focus on their own achievement and success may overlook the needs and well-being of others, potentially leading to disconnection and, eventually, isolation.

It is important to acknowledge some potential downsides to emphasising strong family and community bonds as a pathway to positive self-esteem. For example, individuals who feel excessively reliant on others for validation and support may struggle with developing a strong sense of self-worth and independence. Additionally, communities and family relationships based on excessive control of their members can be sources of stress and conflict. Individuals may feel trapped by prescriptive norms and expectations, and their unique contributions need to be recognised or valued.

Perhaps, the most helpful understanding of self-esteem is a combination of the individualist and ‘collectivist’ perspectives that takes the best from both. We need to develop healthy self-reliance while recognising the crucial role of social support in shaping how we think and feel about ourselves. If you are struggling to overcome the impact of poor self-esteem on your mental health or facing challenging family and community relationships, consider reaching out to a psychologist for support.